Dying Matters: Talking To Loved Ones About Death
Death is an inevitable part of life, but it still remains a topic that many people avoid talking about. Dying Matters Awareness Week is an annual event from Hospice UK that aims to break down the stigma surrounding death, dying, and grief. The event which runs from 8th – 14th May this year highlights the importance of having honest and open conversations about end-of-life care.
As part of Dying Matters Awareness Week, we are encouraging everyone to start the conversation in whatever way, shape or form works best for them.
Why talking about dying matters
Although we often talk about birth, weddings, holidays and careers, many people find it challenging to discuss death with their loved ones. The fear of upsetting them or bringing up uncomfortable emotions often holds people back from having these conversations. According to Sue Ryder, 7 in 10 people haven’t discussed their death with loved ones, despite almost 9 in 10 knowing what their last meal would be.
However, talking about death and planning for it can provide peace of mind and avoid potential family arguments. When there is no clear plan in place, disagreements can arise about who gets what and who should make decisions on behalf of the deceased. These disputes can be harmful, causing irreparable damage to family relationships.
By having honest and open conversations about death and end-of-life care, families can gain a better understanding of their loved one’s wishes and preferences. This can help them make informed decisions, provide the necessary support, and ensure that their final wishes are fulfilled.
Planning for death can also help individuals feel more in control of their lives. It can be a way of preparing for the inevitable and taking charge of their future. It can also provide a sense of relief, knowing that their loved ones will be taken care of and that their wishes will be respected.
Ryan’s story
When Ryan’s wife Hannah was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in October 2021, it was a complete shock to them both, as apart from a few symptoms, she had been living a full and healthy life.
Ryan, who lives in Nottingham with his two children, said: “When it came to the point where any treatment was just to ease pain rather than to cure, we had to talk about the future. It was really hard, but necessary – it’s something we would never have done otherwise. Most of the matters we discussed were about money, the house, and looking after the children. I’m very grateful that we had been proactive and sorted out wills and powers of attorney a year or so earlier, it made everything a lot easier at a difficult time.
“Hannah planning her own funeral wasn’t something we ever thought would happen, but her words gave great comfort to everyone on the day and it truly felt like she was there watching over us all. Although it was difficult to talk about her illness and her death, I found talking to others a great help, to share both heartache and happy memories.”
How to talk about death & dying
It can be hard to talk about death and dying, and you might not be sure how to approach it. Hospice UK has some fantastic information about talking about death and dying which you can read here. Their top tips are:
- Be honest
- Listen to the other person, and pay attention to their body language
- Stay calm
- Don’t be afraid to cry
- Don’t feel you have to talk all the time
- Let the person know they can talk to you if they need to
What support is available for coping with death & grief?
The Good Grief Trust and Cruse Bereavement Support are just two of the many charities offering support with grief, and Winston’s Wish is a grief charity specifically for children.
If you are grieving, talking to others will help, and doing things for good physical and mental health, such as getting fresh air and exercise. Remember you are not alone – there is help out there for you.
Which legal documents should I think about?
A Last Will and Testament is one of the most important legal documents to put in place. In it, you can dictate who gets what and how much, prevent people from benefitting (such as estranged relatives) and decide who will care for your children. Most importantly, it will be of great help to your loved ones, as they will know what your wishes were and be able to access your assets quicker and easier.
Alongside making a Will, we strongly recommend drawing up a Lasting Power of Attorney. These allow a trusted family member or friend to make choices on your behalf if you cannot do so yourself, such as if you are incapacitated or hospitalised. There are two types of Power of Attorney – Health and Welfare & Property and Financial Affairs.
Why you should make a Lasting Power of Attorney & a Will as soon as possible
We highly recommend creating a will and lasting power of attorneys as soon as possible, instead of waiting until later in life. In the unfortunate event that you become unable to handle your welfare and financial affairs, having a power of attorney in place can relieve some of the burden from your loved ones, and a will makes sure your wishes will be met.
And if you’ve already made a will and power of attorney, it’s vital to keep your legal documents up to date. Don’t forget to update your legal documents if any names or addresses change.
Contact us
If you would like to find out more about Estate Planning, making a Will or a Lasting Power of Attorney then please do get in touch. Our team has a wealth of experience assisting clients with planning for the future.
Call us at 0117 952 0698 to speak with an expert, or send a free online enquiry and a member of our team will contact you.
